Write-in Candidate

[howeird]

Now that we know Obama is not as pro-choice and pro-gay-rights as everyone assumed he was (everyone who forgot he converted to deepest darkest Christianity despite having the advantage of being raised without religion), the 2008 ballot is not looking as appealing.

For those of you who have come to the conclusion that neither party's candidate is the best choice, and voting Green or Peace and Freedom is too pinko hippie for you, may I suggest you write in my name?

I'm qualified, being over 35, a native citizen of the United States with no criminal record. Not even a traffic ticket. I'm single, never married, never had an adulterous affair, have no children, and am beholden to no special interest groups. As a former Peace Corps Volunteer who has lived in three countries I have more international work experience than either major candidate. I am also a true Washington Outsider, although I do have federal government job experience in Seattle with NOAA and the US Fisheries Service.

My platform:

• Pro-choice
  
• I'm an atheist, committed to total separation of religion and government. This includes changing the tax codes to include religious groups as tax-paying corporations
  
• Pro equal rights - I don't care who you are, everyone should pay the same tax rate and receive the same benefits. We are all equal under the law.
  
• Get the government out of the marriage business. See above.
  
• Flat income tax, no loopholes.
  
• I will order all US troops home from Iraq the day I am sworn in.
  
• I will propose legislation to prohibit deploying the National Guard and Coast Guard outside of the United States
  
• Re-instate the GI bill, retroactively.
  
• Cabinet members will be experts in their field, not political cronies.
  
• All conservative Supreme Court justices will be given offers they can't refuse to either retire or take a different job
  
• Change Medicare to pay 100% of all patient fees & prescriptions.
  
• Start planning for a national high-speed rail system
  
• Fund a moon base and manned Mars exploration program
  
• Expand the Peace Corps in Africa and Latin America, while pulling out of the former Soviet Union nations. Work for more Middle East participation.
  
• Pull out of South Korea
  
• Close Guantanamo (the prison and the military base) and return all political prisoners to Iraq for the Iraqi government to process.
  
• Work for universal health care coverage, including vision and dental. I am not opposed to Federally funded HMOs as an element of this.
  
• Change the national anthem to something everyone can sing, which doesn't mention god. Maybe commission Jimmy Buffet to write it.
  
• Remove all references to god from coins and currency.
  
• Make all currently illegal drugs legal, and tax them at the same rate as alcohol.
  
• Fund education programs at all levels, with an emphasis on teacher training and elevating all states to a high level.
  
  That'll do for now. Any questions, just ask.