Puzzled

[howeird]

A friend of mine whom I thought was a devout lesbian, tells me she is now not sure if she likes women or men better. Her long-time SO not only dumped her but also ran off with credit cards, bank book and a lot of the stuff from their house.

In other words, the stab-in-the-back nature of the breakup has my friend confused about her gender.

I'm puzzled by this. Hetero men have this kind of betrayal happen to them all the time, but I've never heard of one becoming gay because of it. I don't know any gay men who have been betrayed quite this thoroughly, so I don't know about that angle.

Comments

[scendan.livejournal.com]

If you take sexuality on a spectrum, and she falls somewhere toward the bi end of it, but has perhaps not explored that very much (and/or admitted it to herself or in public), then a betrayal by one of the genders she is potentially attracted to could, in my opinion, cause her to doubt whether she "really" is attracted to that gender--think of it as aversion therapy. If someone was incredibly strongly het, or incredibly strongly gay, that reaction might not come up. Or if someone was frightened of how she might react, or her friends or society might react, to her swinging "another way" might repress that reaction to avoid "public scrutiny." For instance, a predominantely het male, dumped by a girlfriend, could be very intimidated by the thought that maybe he doesn't really want to be with women anymore. It possibly could be a reaction a man might have, if he swung more toward bi than he cared to admit...but there's a lot of social stigma, still, in admitting it.

And let's face it, a lot of bi people are still hammered on by both sides of the gay/straight fence.

[scendan.livejournal.com]

In other words, what cinchntouch said. I just hadn't read it before posting.

[unseelie23.livejournal.com]

And let's face it, a lot of bi people are still hammered on by both sides of the gay/straight fence.

Quite true... :-/

[howeird]

Bi, bi blues.

One of the things which my friend said made her question her orientation was the mixed messages she got from women friends who were comforting her in her time of need. She had the impression that she was some kind of prize which they were competing for - which is the kind of thing which happens when men notice that a hot chick is newly single.