Puzzled

[howeird]

A friend of mine whom I thought was a devout lesbian, tells me she is now not sure if she likes women or men better. Her long-time SO not only dumped her but also ran off with credit cards, bank book and a lot of the stuff from their house.

In other words, the stab-in-the-back nature of the breakup has my friend confused about her gender.

I'm puzzled by this. Hetero men have this kind of betrayal happen to them all the time, but I've never heard of one becoming gay because of it. I don't know any gay men who have been betrayed quite this thoroughly, so I don't know about that angle.

Comments

[caprine.livejournal.com]

Ah, the sin of generalization. One [man/woman/giraffe] has betrayed you, therefore all [men/women/giraffes] are evil and you are swearing off them. Unless, as other commenters have pointed out, your sense of self is firmly rooted in your sexual orientation; then you bemoan the fact that [men/women/giraffes] are such psychotic assholes, but you continue to date them anyway.

[scendan.livejournal.com]

In fairness, this may be more of a knee-jerk trauma reaction, rather than an intentional generalization. That's potentially a little harsh to assume that the person is intentionally "swearing off."

[farmount.livejournal.com]

Well, I've seen some women do the "all men are jerks" after a nasty break-up or divorce, and I've seen stories where men do the same. I doubt it's an internal generalization or if so, it's likely to be a short-term one.

It is also possible that the psycho lover may have told the friend something along the lines of "you're not a real lesbian" or something similar, and that may have the friend doubting her sexuality. Frankly, I tend to be in the camp of people should explore what seems interesting to them. If that means men, in the case of your friend, then she should try them. However, as other people have pointed out, there is plenty of stigma with being bisexual from both het and gay sides, which may be part of the concern of her sexual preference.

[howeird]

One [man/woman/giraffe] has betrayed you, therefore all [men/women/giraffes] are evil

For me it was the penguins. Under that snowy white chest beats a heart of blackest black. Behind the cute yellow beak is a forked tongue. She promised to warm my eggs, but hung me out to dry on the cold, cold ice. Never again! From now on I will throw my lot in with the homely but reliable tufted puffin.

[caprine.livejournal.com]

You are so cool.